Thank you Lord that your plans are better than mine.
If there’s anything I’ve learned through this messy, beautiful, heart-wrenching, vulnerable, tangible, hope-filled journey of life, it’s that my plans will not always happen like I want them to. And thank God for that.
One of my favorite quotes by Katie Davis (Majors) is:
“God wrecked my life, shattered it to pieces, and put it back together more beautifully.”
I’ve always loved this quote, but it never became so real to me until last year.
What wrecked me?
My first (out of the country) missions trip.
I shared about that trip here.
But after leaving Mexico in the summer, I prayed fervently that the Lord would bring me back again. That prayer never left my mind and lips. My heart so desperately wanted to go back and experience Jesus as it had experienced Him that first Mexico trip.
Well, college started. I was wrapped up in just simply trying to make it through the semester, but my one hope to make it through was that I would be going to Mexico in December. I would tell myself, “just make it through this semester, then Mexico.”
The deadline was rapidly approaching and I had done no fundraising (not to mention I had no money HAHA). I found complete peace in surrendering it to God.
The specific prayer I prayed was, “God, if you want me to go on this missions trip, put the money in my hand.”
A few days later, after playing at a concert at my church, I was walking through the audience greeting several people. After talking to someone for a brief moment, he grabbed my hand and placed something in it. Walking away, I checked. It was the exact amount of money I needed to go on the trip.
God made a way, like He always does when it aligns with HIS way for your life.m
But to be honest, I didn’t embark on this Mexico trip “all there.” I wasn’t 100% present. So many worries (college, family, recent diagnosis) had me bound to chains of my own anxious thoughts. I had come to a point where I was afraid to not be busy or rushed.
Maybe if I’m busy, I won’t feel the stress of it all.
Maybe if I’m busy, I won’t have to be vulnerable.
Maybe if I’m busy, I won’t have to face the fact that I’m not as strong as I want to be.
God knew this. And He met me in this broken state.
He used the most unexpected way to do this, too.
36 minutes into the new year, as I lay in my warm Mexican bed, I woke up with two mice near my bed. I hate mice. After screaming at the top of my lungs and waking up the entire dorm (I deeply apologize for this!!), I was honestly upset. Not only that there were mice in the dorm, but that THIS is how God chose to start my new year.
I wanted this Mexico trip to be perfect, because nothing else in my life seemed to be back home. (Don’t get me wrong, my life is wonderful. Beautiful. Blessed. But there are also hard and scary things that I can’t control. These try to steal my joy.)
But God didn’t plan Mexico to be my escape from reality. God brought me to Mexico to finally whisper to my heart what He had been trying to whisper the past few months that I had been too busy to notice.
Under a canopy of bright colors arrayed across the Mexico sky, through the laughter of jumping up on top of toilets at 1:30am to avoid mice, while sitting on a picnic bench coloring photos as we all sang Milagroso, God shared with me how beautiful it is to
and to be.
and to experience.
There will be some things in life that will take your breath way.
But we should never let these things keep us from experiencing the joy of breathing in the beauty of life.
So, God did it again.
He wrecked my life (chaotic, busy, and broken)
Shattered it to pieces (diagnosis, illness, mice at 12:36am on the first day of the new year)
And put it back together more beautifully (being present, feeling joy and pain, experiencing the presence of God).
God taught me what it was like to breathe again.
And nothing has been the same since.
I pray it never is.
Because God’s plans will always, always be better than mine.
The wrecking is hard.
The breaking is vulnerable.
But the re-building is beautiful.
He is the God who makes all things beautiful.