2019. How do I sum up this year? I am left speechless as I flip through countless Bible journaling entries, blog posts, prayers, and diary writings.
This year started out with tears and fears. Sometimes God is going to break you, so He can make you into who He made you to be. For me, the breaking was hard. And lonely. OH so lonely. I cried so many tears, and I know my Heavenly Father saw every one and comforted me in the midst of them. I had to have a breakdown before I could have a breakthrough.
Life will be scary at times, but it is also such a grand adventure. Following Jesus is going to be hard sometimes, but it is also a grand adventure. So I choose to walk into the hard and scary. Not because I am brave, but because I’m on this adventure with Jesus, and I never ever have to do it alone. I might not be surrounded by people, but I am surrounded by the presence of Jesus, and He goes with me and before me.
Life may knock you off your feet, but if it pushes you on your knees, you’ll come back stronger. I found myself on my knees a lot. Begging God to answer. Begging God to hear me. Begging God to make sense of the mess. Begging God to show me what to do with my future. Begging God to give me back what I had lost. Begging God to heal, deliver, and redeem. Begging God to change things.
“I know you can, so why don’t you?”
The silenced beckoned me to just draw close and be. It’s okay to ache. It’s okay to question. It’s okay to wonder why. It’s okay to try to find answers. It’s okay to ask God to heal and change and deliver. It’s okay to cry. It’s okay to not be okay. But it’s not okay to stay that way. I may not understand why, but I do know who my God is. I know He is using this season in my story. I know He is working, even when I don’t hear anything but my own hollow questions shouting back at me. I may only hear silence, but God doesn’t need to speak to be working on my behalf. I just need to trust that He is working as I continue to seek Him every day. Even if I’m on my knees. Even if I’m in tears. Just daily showing up at His feet and asking Him to do what only He can do.
And then….. there’s a brighter side to this story. In 2019, God lead me to places I could have only gone with Him leading me. Time and time again, I faced fears and came out a victor. Time and time again, I trusted God, and saw as He did exceedingly more than I could have ever imagined. I watched my answered prayers board be filled up like never before. I watched Him provide in ways only He could. God was not only God during my rough seasons, but also the God of my abundance. Anything and everything good I will ever have, comes from above. So I know these gifts are from Him. They have His fingerprints of love all over them 🙂
Last night, I was flipping through my older bible that I had used at the beginning of 2019. I came across a section filled with prayers. I was in awe as I flipped through and God had taken care of “this situation” and “that situation”. Sometimes, the requests weren’t complete. And in most cases, they took a very long time. But I know it was in the waiting that He was working. And I know that as I continue to wait, and trust, and hope, and serve, He will continue to bring to completion the work that He has begun.
2019 wasn’t a year about Abby Rose. It was a year about Jesus. Jesus shares His glory with no man, and so I will not take any. I am here today because of His grace and love. I will be where I am tomorrow because of His guiding hand. I am resting in Him today. 2020, you will be beautiful. God goes with me; I have no reason to fear.
2016 / A Radiant Year
2017 / A Purposeful Year
2018 / A Securely Still Year